Oh boy… I’ve been doing everything humanly possible to avoid writing this post today. I watched The Place Beyond the Pines and I even watched 21 & Over. What an awful movie! I haven’t drank any caffeine this morning thinking that maybe I would take a nap and forget about this post. I went to sit outside and catch some rays but an annoying bee chased me back in. Gosh!.. I guess I have no choice.
Let me begin by saying I have a nervous stomach. My story starts off in July of 2010. Sam and I were driving from New Jersey to Pittsburgh for my Uncle Joey’s wedding. After I picked Sam up from work we decided that we would get something to eat before we hit the road. I’m a lover of anything Panera Bread so we decided that we’d stop there. I got the cheddar broccoli soup and Sam had gotten some kinda sandwich or something. We made sure to eat quickly because we wanted to beat traffic near Philly, which if you remember is one of my big fears!.. We get back in the car and we’re on our way! After about an hour in the car my stomach starts to bubble.. severely. Oh man, this is so embarrassing. We’re on the turnpike and there’s traffic! I’m freaking out. I’m breathing as if I’m in labor and I’m sweating through whatever it was that I was wearing. I needed a bathroom, and fast!!! We’re sitting in traffic that is literally crawling and I’m thinking to myself how bad it would be if I HAD to get out of the car right here in front of everyone and just release myself! I make it to the first exit that we saw and I’m searching for a place with a bathroom. We drove for like 5 minutes and didn’t see anything but farm land and I couldn’t hold it anymore. I park the car on the side of the road, grabbed some tissue from the glove box, shuffled down a small hill (which luckily was hidden from the road), and pulled down everything and shit. How lady like! After I was done I noticed there was a huge house that was about two football fields away from me with wall to ceiling windows and I thought how lovely it would be if someone had seen me in this ridiculously hectic state. I get back in the car with my head hung low and Sam says, “Feel better, fertilizer?” You would think that a situation like this would become funny after time has past, but for me… it’s still not funny.
Blogging about this makes it 10x worse!
Coordinated Kate 
OK, you are hilarious! I laughed, I’m sorry but yes it would’ve been funny if someone from that house saw you! sorry I won’t laugh anymore 😉 Hope you are a great Friday and you will have a great weekend! 🙂
You’re human! Thanks for the refreshing honesty!
Oh my god.
Bless your nervous tummy.
But for some reason I feel like I need to give you my cell phone number so you can tell me all your adventures with it, because oh it’s hilarious. My best friend was running a marathon the other day and she had to pee, and what did she do? popped a squat in the bushes of someones front yard rather then wait for an outhouse.
so that should make you feel better about fertilizing laws, some people just do it because they can.
Oh my gosh! That is hilarious! I don’t know if I could bring myself to do it in that close proximity to people LOL
How mortifying! I completely sympathize with you because food poisoning is no joke. It could totally happen to anyone, at least no one saw you!!!!
It was awful! I felt like such a weirdo but yes thank goodness no one saw me.
Sorry, but being married to a guy with frequent stomach issues, the story is funny!! Don’t ask me how often we’ve been in situations like that; at least not as bad as my hubby’s former coworker, who had to poop on the side of the road and the only thing he had to wipe himself with was a brand-new white t-shirt 😉
Oh that poor guy! I keep rolls of toilet paper in my car now in case I have anymore emergencies haha!