Oh boy… I’ve been doing everything humanly possible to avoid writing this post today. I watched The Place Beyond the Pines and I even watched 21 & Over. What an awful movie! I haven’t drank any caffeine this morning thinking that maybe I would take a nap and forget about this post. I went to sit outside and catch some rays but an annoying bee chased me back in. Gosh!.. I guess I have no choice.
Let me begin by saying I have a nervous stomach. My story starts off in July of 2010. Sam and I were driving from New Jersey to Pittsburgh for my Uncle Joey’s wedding. After I picked Sam up from work we decided that we would get something to eat before we hit the road. I’m a lover of anything Panera Bread so we decided that we’d stop there. I got the cheddar broccoli soup and Sam had gotten some kinda sandwich or something. We made sure to eat quickly because we wanted to beat traffic near Philly, which if you remember is one of my big fears!.. We get back in the car and we’re on our way! After about an hour in the car my stomach starts to bubble.. severely. Oh man, this is so embarrassing. We’re on the turnpike and there’s traffic! I’m freaking out. I’m breathing as if I’m in labor and I’m sweating through whatever it was that I was wearing. I needed a bathroom, and fast!!! We’re sitting in traffic that is literally crawling and I’m thinking to myself how bad it would be if I HAD to get out of the car right here in front of everyone and just release myself! I make it to the first exit that we saw and I’m searching for a place with a bathroom. We drove for like 5 minutes and didn’t see anything but farm land and I couldn’t hold it anymore. I park the car on the side of the road, grabbed some tissue from the glove box, shuffled down a small hill (which luckily was hidden from the road), and pulled down everything and shit. How lady like! After I was done I noticed there was a huge house that was about two football fields away from me with wall to ceiling windows and I thought how lovely it would be if someone had seen me in this ridiculously hectic state. I get back in the car with my head hung low and Sam says, “Feel better, fertilizer?” You would think that a situation like this would become funny after time has past, but for me… it’s still not funny.
Blogging about this makes it 10x worse!